For most moms, it's hard to leave your baby in the care of someone else. Whether you work outside the home and require daily child care, or just leave your child with a babysitter to have occasional date nights or time to yourself, you worry. What if he misses me? What if he falls down? What if I didn't pack enough diapers? What if he won't take his bottle? The list goes on.
When James started day care, I was obviously a nervous wreck. He was the center of my little world and I wanted to make sure his teachers knew every detail, every nuance about his behavior and what he liked, how much he slept and to please send me pictures if they could.
To their credit, they never made me feel in any way like an overbearing control freak mom. They listened to my concerns and promised to do their best to follow my wishes for my tiny person. But it seems that not everyone is so understanding.
Many people scoff when I start to give them instructions before leaving my child with them. "We'll be fine," they insist. "I have done this before, you know," many of them remind me. Or my personal favorite, "I don't know how I raised you without your help!" (Shoutout to my delightfully sarcastic momma!) I know in my head that they are intending these words to be reassuring. I'm leaving my baby in capable hands! But unfortunately, these kinds of statements can actually come across as dismissive, condescending even.
I know I'm not the first person ever to have a baby. Anyone I choose to trust my son with almost certainly knows at least the basics of infant care, or I wouldn't have trusted them. But there's more to it than just feed, change, play, sleep. Here are four reasons why I insist on giving instructions when I hand someone my baby for any amount of time, and why they need to keep any less than understanding comments to themselves.
1. He's on a routine, albeit a loosely constructed one, and your time together will be much more enjoyable for both of you if you stick to it. Not to mention it will make MY time with him after picking him up go a lot more smoothly.
2. Best practices have changed. So grandparents, great grandparents, even aunts and uncles with older children listen up! It wasn't that long ago that it was completely acceptable to hold a baby in your arms in the car. So you'll excuse me if I want to take an extra 20 seconds to make sure you know how the buckles on his seat work and how to belt it into your car. Additionally, modern parents are more aware of safety recommendations than in the past, simply due to the fact that we have virtually unlimited information conveniently available on our smartphones. Maybe you didn't know that breast milk shouldn't be microwaved, or that you shouldn't pat the back of a baby having trouble swallowing their food, so I'm just going to mention it. If you already knew, congratulations. You don't have to tell me, you can just say "Ok!"
3. Aside from best practices, parents have different preferences for their children that should be respected by any other caregivers. Would my child survive if you give him sugar? Of course. Doesn't change the fact that I don't want him to have any. I have my reasons, but I don't owe anyone an explanation. So save your eye-rolls and just don't give him sugar.
4. Parents are pretty much hard wired to be a little over protective of their young, so of course I'm going to take a few minutes to make sure my child is as safe and as happy as possible. What kind of mother would I be if I just handed my kid over without a word of concern for his wellbeing?
So babysitters everywhere, please understand that I am not insulting your caregiving abilities when I inform you that he likes to be held upright and only wants his milk warm (but not in the microwave!). I'm just exercising my biological instincts as a mother to ensure the safety of this little creature I had inside me for 9 months. Just smile and nod.
When James started day care, I was obviously a nervous wreck. He was the center of my little world and I wanted to make sure his teachers knew every detail, every nuance about his behavior and what he liked, how much he slept and to please send me pictures if they could.
To their credit, they never made me feel in any way like an overbearing control freak mom. They listened to my concerns and promised to do their best to follow my wishes for my tiny person. But it seems that not everyone is so understanding.
Many people scoff when I start to give them instructions before leaving my child with them. "We'll be fine," they insist. "I have done this before, you know," many of them remind me. Or my personal favorite, "I don't know how I raised you without your help!" (Shoutout to my delightfully sarcastic momma!) I know in my head that they are intending these words to be reassuring. I'm leaving my baby in capable hands! But unfortunately, these kinds of statements can actually come across as dismissive, condescending even.
I know I'm not the first person ever to have a baby. Anyone I choose to trust my son with almost certainly knows at least the basics of infant care, or I wouldn't have trusted them. But there's more to it than just feed, change, play, sleep. Here are four reasons why I insist on giving instructions when I hand someone my baby for any amount of time, and why they need to keep any less than understanding comments to themselves.
1. He's on a routine, albeit a loosely constructed one, and your time together will be much more enjoyable for both of you if you stick to it. Not to mention it will make MY time with him after picking him up go a lot more smoothly.
2. Best practices have changed. So grandparents, great grandparents, even aunts and uncles with older children listen up! It wasn't that long ago that it was completely acceptable to hold a baby in your arms in the car. So you'll excuse me if I want to take an extra 20 seconds to make sure you know how the buckles on his seat work and how to belt it into your car. Additionally, modern parents are more aware of safety recommendations than in the past, simply due to the fact that we have virtually unlimited information conveniently available on our smartphones. Maybe you didn't know that breast milk shouldn't be microwaved, or that you shouldn't pat the back of a baby having trouble swallowing their food, so I'm just going to mention it. If you already knew, congratulations. You don't have to tell me, you can just say "Ok!"
3. Aside from best practices, parents have different preferences for their children that should be respected by any other caregivers. Would my child survive if you give him sugar? Of course. Doesn't change the fact that I don't want him to have any. I have my reasons, but I don't owe anyone an explanation. So save your eye-rolls and just don't give him sugar.
4. Parents are pretty much hard wired to be a little over protective of their young, so of course I'm going to take a few minutes to make sure my child is as safe and as happy as possible. What kind of mother would I be if I just handed my kid over without a word of concern for his wellbeing?
So babysitters everywhere, please understand that I am not insulting your caregiving abilities when I inform you that he likes to be held upright and only wants his milk warm (but not in the microwave!). I'm just exercising my biological instincts as a mother to ensure the safety of this little creature I had inside me for 9 months. Just smile and nod.
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